Crazed Sex Poodle

by Kiko Matsing

Al Gore A “Crazed Sex Poodle?
Masseuse’s claims read like R-rated vice presidential fan fiction
(from The Smoking Gun)

It is unclear why, two years later, she approached Portland police and sought to memorialize her allegations against Gore, who she portrayed as a tipsy, handsy predator who forced her to drink Grand Marnier, pinned her to a bed, and forcibly French kissed her. The woman’s statement–which could be mistaken for R-rated Vice Presidential fan fiction–describes Gore as a man with a “violent temper as well as extremely dictatorial commanding attitude besides his Mr. Smiley Global Warming concern persona.” After fleeing Gore’s suite, the woman returned home to discover, a la Lewinsky, “stains on the front of my black slacks.” Suspecting that the stains were Gore bodily fluids, the woman made sure not to clean them. “I carefully hung them up and decided to be sure not to launder them until I knew more what to do with what had happened. Just my intuition.”

He came over to where I was while I was trying to pack up and then he wrapped me in an inescapable embrace as I turned around, giving me this “come hither” look deep into my eyes and caressed my back and buttocks and breasts. I squirmed to try to get out of his grip, telling him to stop, don’t, several times, and I finally told him and said you’re being a crazed sex poodle… (time stamp 8:31)

Animated recreation by Taiwanese news service:

I bet he used some lame Global Warming pick up lines… “Is the earth getting warmer or is it just hot in my pants?” (comment by socalindian)